R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
Heybabeimwearingurpanties
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Randomize
