im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
