2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
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