I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
