I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Randomize
