My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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