is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
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We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
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Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
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