he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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