This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
I think a kid would responsible me up
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
He keeps bees of course he's weird
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Randomize
