Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
I want a musical about memes.
Randomize
