The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
