If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
