you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
