I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
