you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
