Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
21 People Confess What It’s Really Like At An Orgy
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
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Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.