On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.