I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
19 Characteristics That Make People Instantly Attractive
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
25 People Confess What They’re Shamefully Attracted To
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating