I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
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