Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
Banned from zoo.
Again?
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
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