I just threw up on my dentist
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
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