He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My liver just had a heart attack.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize