an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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