stop calling my apartment porn island.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
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