Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
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