I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
