you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Randomize
