Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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