Pregnant stripper...not hot.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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