I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Randomize
