is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
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I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
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I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
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