okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
