life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
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