i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
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Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
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He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
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