Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Randomize
