Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
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