My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
Barsexuality is the new black.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
It's rum buckets o'clock
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
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