rhymes with "ouble enetration"
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize
