Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
We got so high we made milksteak
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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