saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Randomize
