Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
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