my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
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