We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
