Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
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