This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I made him laugh his dick is mine
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