MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
