I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
PANTIES FOUND
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