So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
