I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize