I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Randomize
