Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
