I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
