He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Randomize
