So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Randomize
