I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
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