Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Randomize
