never play flip cup with pint glasses
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
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