I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
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