In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
I think your dad took our porno
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
Randomize
