He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
