She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
i came on her dog
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
