can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
