hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
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