He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize