the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Randomize
