I would go down on you faster than GM stock
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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