Just fell off a train. Bad.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
These 25 People Had Very Inappropriate Sexual Relations(hips)
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
These 31 People Are Lazier Than You Could Ever Imagine
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before