So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.