hotties wanna shake it
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
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Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
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You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
I need to sanitize my soul.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.