why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
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he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
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Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."