I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?