He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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