the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
