PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Randomize
