just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
