Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Randomize
