If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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