Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Randomize
