What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
