I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize
